Gathering Gems From A Dark Winter

This past Winter I would say has been the most successful and enjoyable one I’ve experienced. Each year I learn, more and more, how to sit in darkness and the season of Winter. This past year I truly enjoyed on my own. Which is huge for me while living in a place like Vermont, with my parents, and healing from a relationship break up.

Some of the things I’ll be sharing:

What was most successful about this Winter

What I would recommend to set yourself up for that success

What I would do differently next year

Looking forward, how we can flow with the season of Spring?

All of this is coming from my personal experience and what has worked for me. Always, listen to your own intuitive guidance first. My intention is to simply spark an aha or inspired idea you can apply to your own life.

If you are creating something new for yourself such as a vision for your desired life, or a new business endeavor or change in career, these tips will be especially helpful to move from frustration to ease.

Even though I say this was the most enjoyable, it was also a very challenging and dark Winter. But that’s exactly the point. Winter is for rooting and releasing. It’s not supposed to be shiny and filled with flowers and fruit. For many years I longed for a warm climate and to escape the painful moments. Little did I know I was missing out on the treasure within the depths.

Let’s get literal. Winter is the season of hibernation. The more you embrace that energy and natural cycle, the more at peace you’ll be with everything. You’ll create space for the richness of the year to come.

For the first time I found beauty in the dark overcast sky.

Everything I tried out, attempted, and did, was all for the purpose of this very simple intention.

Releasing the past, breathing in the new

Starting in January, this is the somewhat chronological order of what I focused on to help me through Winter. 

1. Took a trip somewhere sunny and warm in early January.
   • By end of December I was feeling very heavy and to help me reset in the new year I planned a trip.
   • There’s no harm in helping yourself out and getting out of your environment to re-center and reinvigorate your spirit and re-connect with yourself. For me this was Mexico, and oh my goodness, so so so so good and worth every bit of money, time, and energy. (Check out my art share reflecting this on YouTube, or my blog post about the trip here) The most beautiful thing, was I felt drawn to come back to Vermont to be in the quiet and dark peaceful landscape. Mexico was overstimulating after 10 days.
2. Allowed myself more sleep and naps
3. Didn’t pursue anything new other than gathering information and writing down ideas
4. Reminded myself every day that I was in Winter and released any expectations to produce, create or have my answers. I protected myself from people who would influence me otherwise. From past experience I knew it was counterproductive and would fall apart anyways.
5. Leaned into activities that nourished my energy in ways that cultivate love and joy within myself
   • Morning yoga, journaling, meditation, fitness, breath-work, being in my own space until I was grounded and centered with my light, walks, etc.
6. Became at peace with being alone
   • This happened through a very challenging and painful emotional experience around my moon cycle. It was very clearly unprocessed fears around being alone I had avoided from a breakup in the early summer. Building up my self love and confidence to be alone happened in layers.
   • The layers went from dark depths of fear, and transmuted into empowered feelings of bliss. I realized, how much I enjoy my own company and that there are people out there that would align with and amplify that vibration of buzzing joy. I took space from current relationships, so that I could immerse myself in the pleasure of my own frequency.
   • I wrote out a new set of beliefs, and a vision for how I desired to feel in relationship. I started to notice and feel gratitude for the ways I noticed this reflected in my reality.
   • I noticed how my relationships and heart started to soften after doing all of this.
   • I observed my thoughts and actions when I was invited to do something or when I was around people. I would do my best to say Yes and No based on my intuition rather than people pleasing or self imposed guilt and obligation.
7. Observed who and where I was engaging myself with in the physical, online, and in my own head that brought me down.
   • I noticed when my attention and sensation moved away from the present, my body, and that bliss buzz feeling I had when I was immersed in my own vibes. I was able to make this distinction after shadow work of feeling through the fear of being alone, so that I could move from self victimization into self sovereignty and enjoy being my own source of love and comfort.
8. Part 2 of #6 – Now that I established a solid sense of self, I was ready and released connections and energy cords with people, interactions, and dynamics that were holding me in a toxic cycle of imbalance. The energy cords were also connected to the version of myself I was working to release. I took responsibility for my own beliefs and actions that fed these toxic dynamics. I became committed to embody the new me and the treasure of something new.
   • The hardest part was to release those cords in my own thoughts and energy field. It was like taking out roots that kept growing back. Or blowing out trick candles. I pulled the roots multiple times until it finally cleared.
   • The most helpful tools were:
     • The ancient Hawaiian practice of Ho’oponopono, a forgiveness prayer. (There’s a workshop from a Hawaiian elder where you can learn more! Check it out on Aniwa)
     • Cord cutting audios.
       1. Chris Corsini’s Cord Cutting Workshop
       2. Insight Timer has many teachers that share various iterations of a cord cutting meditation.
     • Coming back to nature. It always brings me back to balance and presence.
     • Feeling into my dark feminine and calling on Spirit Guides of the shadows to protect my temple like a sanctuary. They were my security detail. Specifically, I have to thank dragon energy and Anubis for coming to me and helping me through this.
9. Had conversations with people to express what I was going through, where I was at in my evolution.
10. Released addictive patterns by listening to my intuitive knowing of what activities to cut out with a hard no for x amount of days.
    • I had to shift emotional comfort from things that maybe had an immediate dopamine hit but long term brought me down.
11. Limited my intake of certain things. For 30 days prior to the Spring Equinox, I eliminated caffeine, decaf coffee, Youtube, T.V., movies, alcohol, marijuana, and any plant medicine. I committed to daily yoga, journaling, meditation, and fitness.
    • This came with trial and error. I attempted something similar in the months prior and worked out the kinks. I learned more about how to sustain a commitment like this by rising and falling. I had multiple experiences of relapse or self sabotage. To prevent that for the next month I focused in on my why and affirmations I wrote. I took time to process and journal out any subconscious resistance, past trauma, or limiting beliefs that were the root of these experiences. I learned what helped me fulfill and sustain these new routines. (check out the book Atomic Habits). Then when it was time to fully commit, I felt prepared and equipped, and CRUSHED IT.
12. Fully participated in New Moon and Full Moon release workshops, group spaces, breathwork etc. I personally love Chris Corsini’s selection of workshops for the astrological moment in time. His Pisces workshop really kicked me in the butt to fulfill my commitment. I also enjoy the New Moon circles led by magic maker Deb D. of Big Life Magic.
13. Breathed through agitation and restlessness that triggered me to reach for emotional co-dependencies like marijuana, caffeine, T.V./movies, disconnection from my body, sweets.
14. Resisted the temptation to take action out of fear or survival based reaction. I did my best to ignore the voices of the people around me pushing me to do something that would continue a cycle I was breaking free from.
15. Chose to believe in myself and the treasure within (See blog post here)
16. Dreamt, visioned, and felt into what it was I truly wanted. I asked myself “What do I want?”
17. Created a space that empowered and fed that vision (See room tour vlog)
18. Kept these visions to myself knowing I could share after Winter had settled

What would I do differently next year?

Next year I’m sure I’ll be learning something new. I’m excited to integrate these lessons even deeper and continue to breathe into stillness and release. I would like to invest in more physical and energy care services like massages and reiki. I would also invest in a retreat for spiritual renewal. 

What about Spring?

Surrender to the unfolding. We are still in a bit of a dark period, or bud phase.  There’s still not much to do except enjoy the signs of new life, and continue to nourish and ground. Nourishing yourself is what helps along the blossom of a flower (figuratively speaking).

The infold of energy or focus, creates the out-fold of physical form, or reality shift.

I got this aha moment when I was in the midst of feeling creatively dry for my daily vlog commitment. The message was to refocus on nourishing myself as the source of life force energy. Even writing this, seeing it as less of a task, and more of a gift and nourishment of my desire to express myself. 

This art piece solidified the illustration of the message I was receiving.